I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
