i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
