Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
