omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
