i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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