Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
