I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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