How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
