i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
