five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
