we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
