ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
