Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
