So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
