I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
