Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
