Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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