I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just had sex bonerless
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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