You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
