I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
