hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
