Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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