I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
