I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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