I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
