I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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