i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
