Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
