My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
