so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
