he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
