the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
