I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
