they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
