So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
