Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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