So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
