1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
