the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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