Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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