She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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