I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
