Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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