so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
