Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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