So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
