hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
