Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
