apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
should my penis look like a turkey
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
