Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
